Friday, May 3, 2013

The noises.

I have a cat.

Well, I inherited a cat through marriage. She's pretty cool, we've become decent friends over the past few years since I first met her. She used to just glare at me from a corner and push her way in between The Deputy and I, but now, she seems to like me. She likes to sleep on the inside of the "C" my body makes when I sleep and will jump up on the ottoman to steal loves from me when I bend down to put on my shoes. You know. The whole head "boop" thing.
I didn't think it would be possible to become attached to a cat that you didn't have from kittenhood. Because let's face it. Cats are rude. The only reason anyone actually loves their cat (and I mean, grown adult, 78 in cat years, crankiness) is because they got them when they were teeny tiny, hopping, squeaky, yarn chasing fur balls. Little ankle biters.

But what I didn't anticipate about the LEO wife was the occasional lonliness. And what the cat didn't anticipate about me was the constant aroundness. Before I moved in, she basically was a cat that owned a four bedroom, two story house. The Deputy slept there a little during the day and then was either at work or was out galivanting around town with me.

So here we were, faced with a weird situation, just two girls thrown together by life. We've bonded over the past year. In a big house. With lots of creepy noises at night.

Which leads me to my original thought when I sat down to write this. If I had a dog, would I be able to actually get some sleep on The Deptuy's work nights?

I think so. Dogs go cray cray over that kind of stuff. You can hear a creak in the closet with a dog, and if he doesn't budge, you're fiiiiiiiine. You can hear someone running up the stairs. Is the dog still asleep? You're fine, it was probably the wind. Is that a man wearing a mask, trying to pry his way into my bedroom window?! Look for the dog. Is he still sleep chasing rabbits? Go back to bed.

But cats are drastically different. They like to play, "Let's see how fast I can scare the human at midnight!" by waking from a dead sleep, tail poofed up to the size of my leg, eyes wild, running a muck all over the house. Then of course, I'm awake, heart pounding wondering if that thump I heard was in my sleep. Did I dream that sound? Is that what woke me up? Is the cat running for her life as we speak? Is she sleep walking? Do cats sleep walk? Do cats see ghosts?! And then it's another two hours until I'm actually asleep again. You just can't trust a cat to save your life.

You see my problem.

Don't get me wrong, I don't camp out in a closet all night holding a gun and it's not like I live next door to a crack den or anything. I'm not up checking behind closet doors all night, I'm just not resting. And when you live with a LEO, there are  reasons you don't get up to check out the "scary noise" you heard coming from his office, because this is what you're going to flip the light on to:

As if the cat freaking out isn't enough to spike your heartrate.
(Take my word for it, that poster is much larger in person. Considering the small size of the office...)

I guess I'll either have to become one of those people who can survive off very little sleep or become one of those people who's really good at sleeping at work.


  1. I don't know why but I laughed so hard during this post! I want to buy you a dog!!! :)

  2. I feel like this was written about my life! Definitely can't count on those darn cats.

  3. We recently got a Belgian Malinois as a "home dog" and I can finally sleep through the night peacefully unless she is barking at something in the yard and then it's just as bad as not having a dog because you don't know if she is barking at the wind or the man about to break in and murder me, see you can't win either way. lol, good luck.