Wednesday, November 6, 2013

I hear ya.

Today my post will be a little less LEOW and a little more W. Plain and simple. 

I tend to give more information than needed and get too personal, so I'll try to scale back and keep this as neutral as possible. Which is saying alot for the girl who sometimes feels the best converstaion starter begins with intimate details about her last underwear mishap. Who doesn't enjoy a good, "....and then I realized I wasn't wearing any!" story?! Exactly. 

My marriage thought for the week has been about giving. And not because I'm paying attention to life enough to realize this is November, the month of giving. It's actually due to a related article that's been floating around on my Facebook newsfeed. I read it, thought, "That's nice", closed the browser and went back to--surfing Pinterest for DIY holiday projects, DIY shoe repair and basically any other DIYing you can imagine that I -PROMISE- to do as soon as I get home, then realize I'm too tired and lazy to actually do it--working. I read the article then got back to work

But the article stuck with me like a popcorn kernel in my wisdom tooth. Just sat there, resurfacing every so often when I'm distracted, irritating my gumline. Only instead of picking this article out of my mind with a folded sticky note, I just thought about it. 

I thought about what it actually means to be married to someone for the sake of making them happy. Not that you don't love them or ever get anything in return, but that "what's in it for me?" shouldn't be your motivation behind getting married. 

The article suggested that in marriage your focus should be on making the other person happy, even at the cost of your own happiness. (Ideally, two selfless people would spend their energy making each other happy so it's win-win. I don't think the article was implying that we should submit ourselves to abuse and control. Just throwing that out there.) It sounded easy enough-spend more time making sure The Deputy feels loved and happy. 

Then it hit me. What makes him happy? I don't mean in the grand scheme of life-his dreams, goals, plans, etc.-I mean on a day to day basis. I know what he wants: love, respect, respect, RESPECT, kindness. But do I always know how to show him that? 

{ You see where I'm going with this?}

That's right. Love Languages

I can't be a selfless partner if I don't know something that's NOT about myself. I know how to speak love to myself. I know how to speak those love languages to him. But do I know how to speak HIS language? 

So that's what I plan on learning, with the help of Gary Chapman's "5 Love Languages" quiz! Who doesn't love a good quiz (or pop-quiz for The Deputy). It's always fun to learn something new and even better if that knowledge is actually going to better your life. Unlike learning 'arrow math', that 3 hour documentary I watched about squid and all those hours I spent at pre-teen sleepovers perfecting my lip singing skills. Okay, I did that alone. And well into my teen and adult years. 

Anyways. 

I just wanted to put some love out there out there today. Let it sit in your brain for awhile, irriate your thoughts...you never know what you'll end up with. 

 It looks like I have homework to do tonight. And do you know what's harder than trying to study MacroEconomics with the TV on? Getting The Deputy to take a mushy feelings quiz. 

 Wish me luck!

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