Thursday, June 19, 2014

Eleven Things.

Sometime this past week I entered my eleventh week of pregnancy. According to my Ovia Pregnancy app it was last Thursday. According to my most recent baby measurement from the doctor, it was this past Monday. Either way, eleven weeks it is. It's been a breeze!

Just kidding.

If you ask me, I feel very much like that time (yes, singular, the one time) I tried to use one of those stair climbing machines at the gym. I hopped on with great enthusiasm, full of hopes and dreams of lasting an entire work out. About 5 minutes in I felt like I was experiencing the beginning of what I imagine it would feel like to be suffering from an asthma attack and stroke combined. But there were people around me. So I couldn't quit, I had to just.....keep....climbing. One painful step at a time. No end in sight, just step after step after step. With the horrifying image in my brain of what my rear end must look like to the row of happy treadmillers directly behind me.

I find the only difference between that and pregnancy is at the gym, all I really have to do is swallow my pride, shut off the machine and quickly make a bee line to the door. Or to the bowl of Tootsie Rolls at the front counter. That's right, my gym rewards failure with candy.

I say that to say pregnancy has taught me a lot about life and myself. So far, it ain't pretty. But in honor of my eleventh week, I'm posting a list!

Eleven Things I Know About Pregnancy:

1. Your body will do absolutely whatever it wants to, when it wants to. I'm pretty sure I don't need to elaborate on this.

2. Pregnancy is the cure to any deep rooted fears you have of throwing up. In fact, you become quite good at it. I've practiced different angles, breathing techniques, motivational messages to chant (You will not die, you will not die, you will not die!), so on. Because in case you're one of the lucky people like me, vomit will spew from your nose. (Hence, #1 on this list).

3. People will ask the most inappropriate questions, including (and I wish I was exaggerating): "Was this baby 'planned'?" I have no words.

4. People will also believe all of your pregnancy problems can be cured with some sort of food. And they'll list and suggest these food items all day long. To the lady who's just trying to not think about food, in hopes of just keeping last night's dinner down.

5. Buying things for the baby does help! Especially when you have no belly yet and are too far out to feel movement, you tend to forget you're growing a human and start to feel like you've just had the flu for the past 8 weeks. My last baby purchase actually came from The Deputy, which made it even more special--I didn't have to leave the house!
Me and my Vera Wang baby backpack! It gets bigger than it looks and I get to be hands free. Sweaty? Probably. But hands free. This mama is happy.
6. No matter how much you love your baby name choices, you're bound to get this reaction when you tell people:
 7. So you have to get tough and take on a new attitude:
The same attitude that will also get you through the fact that you're noisily vomiting in the crowded bathroom at work. And through the time you were too tired to make it through an entire shower so you skipped shaving your legs. For two weeks....and still wore skirts. There's the time you wore wrinkled clothes. The time you thought your husband's shower would last long enough for you to let 'one' slip, because your stomach was killing you, but wound up turning the entire bedroom into a bio-hazard zone just as he was stepping into the room. The time you leaned back in your chair at work and accidentally fell asleep. The time you forgot to screw the lid on a bottle of apple juice before shaking it. The time you jokingly referred to your pregnancy as "a feeling of death" and people judged you. Basically, your entire new life.
8. Pregnancy will give you a new found love and respect for yourself. Sure, sometimes I'm gross and sometimes I cry uncontrollably over nothing. But I'm also growing a person. This, coming from the lady who could probably kill a plastic plant. A person. I still can't get over it.
9. Pregnancy also teaches you resourcefulness. It's more of a desperate attempt to keep the body as happy as possible, at all times, to avoid the repercussion of upsetting it. Which is, of course, vomiting. This means planning everything ahead of time. Going outside? That used to mean I'd need some sunscreen and bug spray. If I remembered. Now it means: A lawn chair. With an umbrella. A portable fan. A cooler with water. Frozen washcloths. Sunscreen. Sunglasses. Lightweight clothing. Oh, and actually just staying inside. And if it's unavoidable and I'm forced to venture out into the Texas summer, I'll be stealing this from The Deputy:

They should really market these towards pregnant ladies. (
10. Other people's birth stories are NOT helpful, unless they're pleasant. Trust me, no pregnant lady wants to hear about the time your baby got stuck and you had to have your bones broken (without anesthesia, of course) and you lost so much blood you had to have a transfusion, but they accidentally gave you the blood of a diseased horse and you couldn't walk on two legs for six months. Even if the story ends well and your  baby is perfect. Even if-although you momentarily died and had to be revived-you swear you forgot it all. Even if I'm mildly impressed and believe you would hold up well under torture should you ever be taken prisoner of some horrendous war. Keep it to yourself. Labor is already daunting enough as it is, I don't need any additional fears. Once I'm on the other side of this, give me a call and we can hash out all the gory details of your labor. Just let me live in peace for the next 7 months. Beautiful, blissfully ignorant, peace.
11. When I wake up one day and magically feel wonderful, it should be reason for celebration. But every time, I'll instantly worry. What makes this day more special than the past two months? Why do I feel okay? Why am I able to actually get dressed for work and not have to sit down every five minutes?! No worries though, when the next day rolls around and I'm on the floor with my face in the toilet, I'm reassured that life is exactly how it should be. And that I really need to clean the toilet.
To all my pregnant ladies out there, I love you. I think you're super cool and if you find yourself crying into your food because you managed to drive yourself to get take out, only to get home and realize that your tastes have changed in the last 15 minutes and you can no longer stomach it, I feel your pain.
To all my already-mamas out there, I'm jealous of you. I want to hug your kids because they're already on the 'outside'. But I won't, because it's impolite to hug a stranger's child.
To all my non-mama, non-pregnant ladies, please go eat something delicious for me today. Then take a few hours out for roller skating, pole vaulting and doing that thing we used to as kids where we'd pull our legs inside of our shirts and roll down hills. (Am I the only one who did that?)
Love love. 


Friday, June 13, 2014

Follow me!

Because I can't seem to find anyone on here, I've decided to be a grown-up and use the handy dandy services of Blog Lovin' to keep all my blog love in one place!

<a href="">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

In the middle of the night.

I feel like throughout life we spent long stretches of time just being. We make small changes here and there but overall we know what to expect from our day to day lives. Then suddenly, we wake up and one day everything is completely new. There's no going back, there's no "give me five more minutes", sometimes there's no warning.

I've had a few of these moments. Some caused by the choices of others, some choices I made voluntarily (and gladly) with eyes wide open. Except, even with your eyes open, its hard to really know what's coming around the corner. Sure, we see the bend in road coming so we brace ourselves for the shift, but can we every really prepare ourselves for the outcome?

I say all that to say The Deputy and I have done it again. And by "again", I'm referring to one of those times we have a conversation starting with something similar to "Hey, wouldn't it fun to......?"

The first time that happened we got married. Sure, the decision was thought out, talked about, planned and planned and planned for. And I mean planned. Homegirl doesn't do anything big without lists, sticky notes and color coding. But there I was, the morning of my very first day as a Mrs. thinking, "Holy cow. We actually went through with this!" It wasn't a sad thought, just a realization that we had done something that would change both of us forever.

Anyways, we did it then and we've done it now. This time, instead of having months and months of careful planning and time to prepare, we created a human being. Which, in case you weren't aware, is a moment that literally changes your life over night. I went to sleep on a Wednesday night as myself. I woke up on that Thursday morning as someone's mother. And still someone's mother 4 pregnancy tests later.

And that was it. What I thought I would have months to brace myself for has slammed into my life in a matter of weeks. I'd like to say that I'm #winning at pregnancy, but I'll admit, I'm still reeling. A little less every day--but reeling, nonetheless.

Being married to a law enforcement officer, I like to eliminate all elements of surprise, whenever I can. I tend to rely on the predictability--and maybe even false sense of security--to help me get through each work night, each SWAT call, each side job. I like to know things. I like to be warned, I like to over think and I like to plan for everything. But ironically, I find myself spending the majority of my life walking out in faith, having no other choice but to trust blindly.

So here comes my new life (again), making me feel more out of control than I ever have before. But I do know the end result will be worth every day of sickness, every frustrating moment, every doubt and every apprehension. Let's see what's coming around this turn! (And duh, I know it's a baby. The extent of my knowledge ends there.)

The first time we saw our Baby-Blob @ 6 weeks 6 days